Home > Parenting Lessons > What not to call the hoo-ha

What not to call the hoo-ha

I am unequivocally convinced that we do parenting backwards.  By the time we have learned from all of our mistakes, our children are grown and on their own.  So I am creating a new category for Parenting Lessons that I will write about from time-to-time.  This is my first installment.

When our daughters were young and being potty trained, my wife and I decided that a code word should be used to refer to their girl parts.  We had so many to choose from that have been around for awhile but for some unknown reason we chose to go out on our own and used the term ‘monkey’.

This worked well until one fateful day that my wife had to take both girls to a school function by herself.  Lauren was 7 and Brianna was around 2 or 3 and still needed some assistance when going to the bathroom.

While my wife was busy with our older daughter doing some type of craft in the classroom, our youngest needed to go potty.  Lauren had a classroom aide because of her physical limitations and this lovely lady offered to take Brianna to the bathroom which was connected to the classroom.  The bathroom was a single unit just like you would have in your home so the aide let Brianna in and closed the door behind her so that she could have some privacy.

I wish I could have been there to see my wife’s face when our darling daughter exited the bathroom with her pants around her ankles and loudly demanded, “Wipe my Monkey!!”

I am not sure what name would have been better in that circumstance but monkey should go to the top of the list of names not to use.

  1. April 29, 2009 at 8:16 pm

    “Wipe my monkey!”? That’s flippin’ hilarious!

    Also, this would be a good story to share during your daughter’s wedding reception.

    • April 29, 2009 at 8:21 pm

      I quite agree… right during the toast. Have you been to Tam’s blog today? She has a grown woman potty post.

  2. April 29, 2009 at 8:27 pm

    Yeah… Monkey… I’m not really sure what would have been better to be honest. It does leave an AWESOME story though.

  3. April 29, 2009 at 9:00 pm

    Great story T! One that you “hold over” your daughter just in case she decides to get a little ornery some day. I love it!

  4. April 29, 2009 at 9:41 pm

    Oh…wow. I’m going to be chuckling at this one for a long, long while.

    My wife and I are still trying the code word thing, too. Somehow, the proper medical terms just won’t do. Say them, and we laugh just as hard as we would if we said “Monkey.”

  5. April 29, 2009 at 10:39 pm

    Wait…Tam’s blog? Which Tam?

  6. May 1, 2009 at 8:41 am

    I think Tony was talking about our mutual friend Tam over HERE.


  7. May 1, 2009 at 5:30 pm

    Wow, I am trying not to laugh out loud in my cubicle! That is all kinds of awesome.

    With our boys, we used the technical term, but with my little girl my wife wanted to go with flower (I have no idea why). I love the seemingly pure randomness of monkey. She’s 4 but maybe we can crossover… BTW, I am still laughing to myself.

  1. May 1, 2009 at 3:35 pm

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