Home > 2nd Chances, Life Thoughts > Grasping at Plan A

Grasping at Plan A

I recently read Pete Wilson’s book, Plan B. You can read my review here.  After reading the book, I was reflecting on one of those moments when my wife and I had to face a Plan B.

We had only been married 2 years when we found out that we were expecting our first child.  It was an exciting and nervous time.  We were young and hadn’t planning financially for the addition to our family but we were over-joyed with the prospect at having the baby.  We began dreaming.  We picked names.  We did all the things goofy, newly-expecting parents do.  Heck, I even read books to my wife’s stomach.

At 4 months my wife went in for her first ultrasound.  I was working at a new job so I couldn’t leave work to be with her so her mother joined her for the visit.  They were able to find out that we were having a little girl.  My wife was so excited that she stopped by my place of work to share the news.  I still remember how excited she was that she was having a little girl.  She was worried that I would be disappointed that the baby wasn’t a boy.  I told her that was silly … I was just hoping for what every parent dreams of – a healthy baby.  I mean, that is Plan A, right?

Two days later on December 23rd, 1992, we were both sitting across from a doctor as she told us that our baby was a non-viable fetus and suggested that we abort the fetus.

Plan B had kicked in full force.  Our thoughts went from dreams of a little girl with pigtails to picking up the pieces of a broken dream.  In his book, Plan B, Pete details several of the mechanisms that people go through when facing that moment.  Some try to run. Others become paralyzed.  For sure, my wife and I faced some of those very emotions and conditions.

But in my reminiscing about those days following the visit to the doctor, I remembered something else.  I remember trying to grasp for Plan A.  I was still mired in Plan B but I remember having conversations with friends and family that centered on grasping for the original plan.  Plan A was to have the healthy baby.  The conversation went along this line:

Whatever happens, we are going to try for another child as soon as possible.

Looking back that seems so naive.  Instead of trying to work through the present Plan B, I had wanted to recover Plan A even though, truth be told, that plan was forever gone.  The child my wife carried would never be healthy.  She had already been labeled non-viable … the doctor’s had already wrote her off.

While I was grasping at a lost plan A,  God was still working on the plan that He had in place all along.  Let me introduce to you how our Plan B worked out:

She gets excited over babies.

She loves animals.

She gets into music on her iPod .. especially Reba!

She puts up with her daddy.

Oh.. and she really adores chocolate cake!

Lauren and I shared that slice of cake during a recent daddy-daughter date.  We followed dessert with a movie and, interestingly enough, the movie was Letters to God.  The movie is about a community that is impacted by a young man dealing with the Plan B in his life.  It was a poignant moment for me as I shared that movie with my Plan B.

Sometimes it is good not to reach the things that you are grasping after… you just might miss some pretty miraculous moments.

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  1. Amy
    April 21, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    We are so thankful and blessed by God’s plan for your lives!!! May we all have the strength and courage to opt for plan A! I am so grateful that He merged our lives so that we could share life together as friends!

    I have personally opted for the B plan in some pretty serious situations. I know God knew what I was going to do before I did, but boy do I know I went about making my own plans for quite some time. Still I have to keep pressing toward what He has for my life, fight off self and yes, “grasp” for the A plan.

    Thanks for sharing some of your journey!

    • April 21, 2010 at 7:19 pm

      Someone once asked us how we got through…

      Easy answer: One Day At A Time.

      Sometimes there are just no shortcuts. And we are blessed to know your family!!!

  2. April 21, 2010 at 6:31 pm

    =] beautiful.

  3. April 21, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    Tony: this story needs to be told to the whole world. To see her smile is beyond description. To know how much you love her defies words. I am blessed to know you, even if it just through the blog (and that one visit). I am glad that Plan A still involved keeping Lauren and that you followed through on that.

    • April 21, 2010 at 7:36 pm

      We have been blessed to know you as well. We are fortunate to have gone through with having Lauren. She has impacted our lives as well as others.

  4. April 22, 2010 at 1:22 am

    Oh that’s so sweet, uncle tony. I didn’t realize you wrote this until i was at the bottom.In my opinion loren was a plan “A”. Shes a great cousin, and im sure a great daughter..I don’t understand the pic at the top though, what was that suppose to mean?wellp thats all i have to say

    • April 23, 2010 at 2:24 am

      Thanks, Dylan.. You are a great cousin too! The picture at the top signifies someone grasping for something. It ties to the title of the piece.

  5. April 22, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    Thank you. God’s Plan A is a beautiful thing and I am encouraged by the courage and commitment of you and your wife to the plan. I regret not having the same courage. Sticking to God’s plan vs the plan of man no matter how convenient ,tempting or justifiable is faithful. The picture caption says it so well, she loves.

    • April 23, 2010 at 2:29 am

      Thank you, Tom. He has been faithful in large where my wife and I have been faithful in small. We are fortunate.

  6. April 22, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    poignant & touching

  7. April 22, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    Tony,
    We have four girls, ages 14-24. Our second oldest had a chromosomal count flag go up, and we met with dr.s too. They said “aborting the fetus” was something to consider if the next tests didn;t come out right. They did, and she id also Lauren. Your story is amazing, blessings do not always come boxed and packaged as the world feels they should. Your Lauren looks extremely viable to me, and I am glad she was sent to you and your family. God Bless
    Jim

    • April 23, 2010 at 2:33 am

      Jim… 4 girls. That makes you and your wife saints in my book 🙂

      It saddens me that doctors reach so quickly to the abortion alternative. I have a lot of compassion for those couples who face that decision. It is not an easy thing to contemplate.

      God has blessed… may He bless you as well.

  1. September 13, 2010 at 8:14 am

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